Boom

Yesterday I realized that it's true what some people say... You've got to live every day like it's your last day in this world.
I think I'm not ready enough to put into words how it feels yet. The thing is, my cousin had an accident and he is dead now. He was just 20 years old and he has an 8-days baby. What the fuck? How, when, why? I mean, it's overwhelming. Honestly, I don't understand. No one could have ever seen this happening... But it happened.
In less than 24 hours he jumped out of this world leaving us behind with more questions than answers. Although we weren't too close relatives, his death has fucking affected me too much. Even more than my grandma's death, because that one was rather more predictable and I had a chance to say goodbye.
I'm still confused, worried, sad and sort of deppressed. I can't eat, I don't mind being dirty, I can't keep awake for too long. Everything around me is like... Nothing. Because I don't care, I got stuck in last night's sad episode.
It was like too violent for me and my family to hear the news. So that is how you can go from the happiest moment in your life right to death. My dead cousin's sister told me he was having the best time ever because of his baby... He had nothing but light and love in his eyes. And then... Boom.
Only God knows the reason why this happened. I really doubt any of us would get that though.
This situation is freaking scary for me. I'm hopeless, I can't figure out a way to be calm since I can't stop thinking that it could happen to me or to any of my loved ones... At any time. Please, PLEASE, God, if you're reading this, do not let that happen to any of them because I don't think I can go through this one more time.
Well, I guess everything will go on as usual in a few days. It's a matter of time.